The following days, it felt long and deserted. Everything around me feels cold and unearthly. My head is turning. My life is ruined. I only have myself to continue my life... alone. Every second in my life meant so much when I still have my family and friends...but when I forgot about them, my time felt sore and wasted. I never knew what I did. I am losing it...I;m letting my emotion take me away from them and to face fear. My head was spinning, I have no more hope in my heart that we'll be together again... All of the things that I should not be thinking about right now are stuck. I can't think straight and I can't keep my attention to a certain thing that long. I was losing it...LOSING IT!
I have no more time, nut I am still at my state of breaking down. As I looked outside, I could always feel the pain that my family and friends driven through my heart and soul. I wish I haven't been careless or stupid. I can't manage to see why I did it,still... I can't think of anything else to say over and over again, 'I'm stupid...I'm going crazy!' Can anybody help me! Evrything seems uncmfortable right now. we share blank stares at each other and snab. I don't know what the hell is wrong! My brain will explode because of the same thoughts in my head that I can't forget.
I was losing it...I was losing it...I was losing it...I cried...I cried...I cried...I was stupid...I was stupid...I was stupid...Worthless...
Within the time I was in my room, I was hoping for someone to talk to me and give me pices of advice through my heart and in my head. Here comes my helper, A girl that shares the same situation as mine. I looked at her and found her face happy but deep inside still full of pain and confusion. I went to her and seeked for advice. 'you share the same with me...Forget...Don't remember anything about them...You need to think that you are alone in this world with no problems...' I tried doing what she told me but it was worthless... 'It's not working...' and she left. My hope of bringning back the old memories and experiences were gone. I walked outside and found myself crying again in a bench. The rain was pouring, i felt myself falling down the chair...
My head was aching, my head was spinning,still. My eyes were heavy but it wants to be opened. I slowly opened my eyes and saw a figure infront of me...sitting beside the bed I was lying on. When my conciousness came back, I found a boy looking straight to my eyes, 'You're awake... I brought dinner for you...' he passed to me a tray filled with food. I took a glance at the food but didn't felt my appettite was ready. I looked back at his dreamy blue eyes. He caught my heart but didn't fixed it. My eyes filled with tears. I broke down and cried again. He switched his position and touched my back. 'Please don't cry...I didn't mean to take you here...It's just that I saw you fall from the bench and I think you are hurt...So I took care of you...' I continued crying, 'I wish they would do this to me right now...They think I'm nothing!' He got a handkerchief and wiped my tears away.
>>TO BE CONTINUED...
Entry @ 12:34 AM;
Sunday, May 21, 2006
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